A letter to my father....

For 37 Years, I have tried to come up with the exact words I want to say, well not exactly 37 but for a very long time. I cant say I am angry any longer, because what good does that do to be upset with someone who doesn't care. I have always been better with writing my thoughts and feelings, but when it comes to you, I am clueless. All I can say is that it has all been your choice.

 I can not say what happened with you and my mom but it was your choice to try your best to be there for me and you chose not to. For years I was angry at my mother because I thought it was her that made you stay away, but it wasn't. Although she and I have clashed over the years and she has not been the poster child for mother of the year, she raised me without you and with that being said, now here is what I have to say to you.

 I felt like I had missed out on so much, but its you that missed out. You missed out on being called daddy, and all the Christmas days and Birthdays. You missed out on me going through my tomboy phase, mud pies and finger paintings. You weren't there to give my first boyfriend a talk or to comfort me when I got my heart broken for the very first time. You missed so many things, that were so important to me, like your grandchildren being born, or anything else I have accomplished in my life.  I have learned so many hard lessons in life and all without you there, so what does it all mean?

It means I have become the woman I am today without you ever being by my side. I am creative and thoughtful, I have a temper at times, but I am fast to forgive.  See I appreciate the little things in life and know life is too short to be angry at those who deserve it. I let go of my anger a long time ago, but this all  has went unsaid for many years. I have tried to make a relationship with you as an adult, but you do the same thing that you have always done, run away from me. I now know its not any of my doing, because I didn't ask for you to bring me into this world, and things happen for a reason. So I don't owe anything but my thoughts, and its all for me, because I have sat down and wrote this letter many times, to just throw it away. You may never know these words, and that's ok, because it has all came out, through the tips of my fingers.

Out of the mouths of babes......

The other day my 15 yr old daughter made a decision, without any input from me at all. She said she was deleting her Facebook page because she spends too much time on it and she needed to put more attention towards her school work. Imagine that, not a bit of persuasion from mother or any other adult, she came to this decision all on her own! I couldn't be more proud of my daughter, who is becoming a beautiful young woman all too fast.

This isn't a bad idea, or even cutting back on it. I know that I got wrapped up in Facebook and the games that you can play, or catching up on people from my past and present. I put down my camera, forgot almost about my photography or other things that use to be so important. So what if we all do what my daughter is doing? If a child can do it why cant we? I think we all need to remember that there is a life outside of Facebook. Go back to reading books, or learn something new, there are many free lessons online that you can participate in, or take a nice long walk, curl up and watch a  movie, or take up a hobby such as knitting, or cake decorating.

Does it mean that I will give it up for good? Who knows, but I do know that since I have cut back, I have found so much more time to do the things I said I no longer had time for. I have gone back to using Twitter which is not as time consuming but allows me to keep in touch with my awesome friends. If you step back and take a look you will see what I mean. I believe we all are so obsessed with technology that we forget about our lives and our families. We need to introduce the passion for learning to our children, since its something that's missing from schools today. Let's not let them rot away to reality TV and video games. Maybe then our future generations wont be in trouble. Maybe our kids will go back to being happy with being themselves, and not so worried about growing up so fast. Just maybe they will learn to not take life for granted. All it takes is just one to plant the seed......

My last year in NY...

 So I am counting down the days till I leave this big city. Its been one hell of a ride I have to say. Although its not my top choice of places to live, I have learned a lot, about life and about me. Now that I will be parting ways with NYC, I want to keep a journal of my last year, and take a look back to remind myself mostly, but also to share with others. Who knows, maybe it will be published, maybe it wont, or maybe its just a way for me to keep myself busy until the big exit.

One thing I have learned is that its a whole different world here, nothing like I have ever experienced. I have learned more about other cultures and came to understand more by talking to people. They really don't mind when you ask questions and don't get offended at all. Along with those cultures is that amazing food that they have known their whole lives. Some you think might not look good, but wow its really amazing.

One thing I definitely know, a good percentage of these people in NYC could not survive where I grew up, because, well we just don't put up with it at all. This is one thing that really has made me appreciate where I am from, who I am and how I was raised. When I was little I imagined visiting NYC and all the beautiful lights, the amazing lights and the beautiful people, but now I realize that the lights just kind of hypnotize you and make you not see whats really behind all the glitter and glam! Does it mean its a bad place? For me yes, maybe not for others, but I know this country girl is thankful for who she is, and who she has become! I will miss some things about the city, and some really amazing people, but isn't that what road trips are for? :)

Attention restaurants; Beware of the offended palate!

So, I was not able to continue in the blog challenge for reasons beyond my control, but I am back. For my first blog post since the last one, this one is going to make it count! If you know me well, you know that the one thing that annoys me about eating out when people rave about a restaurant is going there and getting bad food! I grew up in the south, I know a bit about BBQ. With that being said, I hate when a restaurant claims to be “REAL BBQ” when they haven’t the slightest clue on how to make it.

On Saturday, we went to a place called Hill Country Barbecue Market, which is supposed to be based on Texas BBQ. I lived in Texas and have had Texas BBQ. These people were way off! We go there thinking that this is going to be a great experience, the place was even packed! (Usually this is a good sign, but then again we are in NYC). I was a bit annoyed that we had to get our own food, could have gotten past that if they had noted that on their website but they do not. The people who you give your meal ticket to have about as much personality as a camel. This is something that can make a dinning experience a bad one!

The food seriously lacked flavor in the worst way, and to make matters worse it was way under cooked! This was to be my loves birthday dinner and it turned out to be a disaster. My oldest daughter ordered chicken, which was medium rare, which is no way to eat chicken. My youngest daughter ordered the ½ pound of ribs. What she got really was 2 rib bones with what looked like traces of meat that wouldn’t even come off. And my boyfriend and I, well same story food was just not edible. I don’t like to make a fuss in restaurants, especially here in the city because it seems like the way it goes the customer is always wrong. I will be glad when I leave the city and return the civilization.

One big lesson learned, do not go for BBQ in NYC unless it’s RUB, by my experience, the only REAL BBQ restaurant in NYC so far. How do I know? A world champion pit master who is an expert in Kansas City style BBQ created it….Southern Hospitality your next, you better bring it!

Blog challenge day four...

Today is day four of the seven day challenge. Take a picture and talk about it. Well I had to put some thought to this one. I don't carry my camera with me every day but my BlackBerry does have a camera, so the ideas went rolling, what in the world can I take a picture of? Well since I spend a good amount of every day during the week at work I thought I would share where I sit, think, work and create, MY DESK!

That's right folks, there it is! This is where I am most of my existence it feels like. Today it appears that my desk is almost clean and organized, normally this is not the case. What does this picture say? Its a little slower than normal. Usually there are piles of paper and folders and other things thrown about. Not by me, no I don't just throw things on my desk, its everyone else that believes that they can just drop things and go. I do have an organizer that things can be placed in but obviously people are blind and they think I am a psychic. Its my belief that if you want me to do something and your not going to stick around to ask, write a note I have plenty of post its.


In this picture I was preparing to invoice amazon.com fulfillment orders that were shipped today, that took all of 5 minutes. I have answered all emails, processed refunds and now, I sit and wait for something else to do. Although you can not see it, I have a window right in front of me, don't get too excited, it just allows me to see who comes up the stairs into the office. My job is not exciting or glamorous, but I am a personal assistant at a small company so no bells and whistles here. My day starts usually with a cup of coffee or tea and me looking at my computer just as you see in the photo. Nothing too exiting but this is a small view into my world of work. :)