I am not perfect! This is a statement that if you know me or not, are well aware of. I have made mistakes, I have fallen down, let people down and just have not been myself at times, but I am not perfect. I was raised with this, " If you are pointing at someone there are always 3 fingers pointing right back at you.", now that at times is very hard to remember but it always hits you at just the right time.
I grew up in a family that didn't have much but we made the best of what we had, and I never at anytime if I had more threw it in peoples faces. I was the same person in middle school that lived in a trailer, that then lived in an awesome house with a pool and then to a house with no pool and smaller, but I was me. I treated my family the same as well as my friends. I thought it was how everyone should be but that wasn't the case.When you grow up you start to see that people you admired before aren't the same anymore, then the older you get the big picture gets a little clearer.
I went from being this naive southern girl to getting quite the reality wake-up call when I left West Virginia to start a new life after my divorce but it was something I needed to do. I lived a life where I think I was sheltered from the harsh realities in life. Living a part of your life with a man who you thought you loved and loved you only to find he was constantly looking for someone to replace you with, or someone who was hotter, prettier, smarter....Yeah one of those, but I woke up and I moved on.
I believe that I was stuck in that Disney fantasy land that Prince Charming is real, and the evil queen dies in the end. Hmmmm, makes you think that good old Walt was on something that clouded his views a little, ever see Fantasia? My biggest wake-up call was moving to NYC. This was the move that humbled the hell out of me and more towards the end. I felt that I was losing myself and didn't know how I was going to land when I fell.
I can't really tell you what shook me back to reality. Maybe it was my inner self waiting for me to learn, or it could have been a number of things, but I know that when I leave this city I wont look back. I have learned that the people I love have hurt me and maybe I hurt them too, but I am sorry for not being perfect, and life is too short. I hope they know that I love them. Its hard to trust someone who has hurt you and harder to keep loving them when they continue to hurt without even acknowledging it. Its even harder to keep loving and not be in fear of being hurt or let down again.
I don't know and can't say what the future holds, but I know the past needs to stay in the past. Love and time heals all wounds and if its worth it, it will all work out in the end. But I love and will continue to fight for what I believe in and those I love, I wont give up. It doesn't matter if its a friend, family or a relationship, if you love that person or those people, fight for them, fight for love, and remember that no one is perfect, but life if short.
