My personal battle: Fear

Fear:
–noun

1.a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.

 

So you might ask what I have to be afraid of, right? This is very hard for me, to write it out, to put it all out there. I have battled through a lot of things in my life, too many to count but why be afraid? And what is it I am afraid of? Its a good question, and I deal with this at different times in my life. Sometimes I can just brush it off as a silly worry, other times I doubt if I will make it through whatever I am dealing with. 

The only thing I can say that could be a reason is that I am afraid of losing whatever is going well for me. Before I have  fought hard to get to accomplish something, feel good about it only to have it ripped away from me to feel helpless. This has happened over and over to a point that now, although things are going well, I still am afraid .

Its frustrating to feel this, I don't like it at all. I have always tried to be strong, and I have remained strong through some of the toughest things in my life, yet right now, I don't have anything to worry about. I have a lot to look forward to coming up, finally having a home that I own, a potential to start my own business and finally have control over when I want to go on vacation and not have to listen to others.

But here it is, poking at me, making me wonder when the other shoe is going to drop. Well its just something I need to deal with, I am a strong and loving person. I don't take no for an answer, I just look for another way to get to my goal. I need to try and stick to one thing at a time. There is so much I missed out on at times in my life that now I have the potential to accomplish, I want to do it all at once, because lets face it I am not getting any younger.

So here I go battling on, forcing my confidence to the front, because I will not let my fear win. Its just a slow process and I have to ask those close to me to be patient, because I know it will all be okay and I will get through this.