Out with the old and in with the new! Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! 2012 is right around the corner. Some of you are just hours away from  the count down and others are a little than 12 hours away. So what do you hope for in the new year? There has been so much I have been thinking about, so much that I know that will help me have a happy and successful year ahead. So many times we make our resolutions always with the best of intentions of following them through, only to be distracted by the up hill battles that seem to come along our path. Why do we always let those things push us back down? I know for me it's been a big problem. Its time that I push through any troubles I may face and make my dreams a reality. It's never too late!

I have noticed also with people, as well as myself that part of the problem is we bring our worries and our past with us, why is that? The past should stay as just that, the past. We are suppose to learn lessons from our failures, or things that no longer exist and use what was learned to succeed. Life goes by so fast that before you know it, you are looking back with regrets. I have witnessed this in my life and with others. The things that I let pass me by, but instead of learning from it I somehow seem to hold on to it. If you did not succeed at something, take the lesson and move on. If a relationship failed, take the lesson and move on. If a friendship did not last, take the lesson and move on. Sometimes we look back at our past and long for the good times, but bringing the past into the future is nothing but a disaster waiting to happen. You can't go to an old job that made you miserable and expect it to be different. You can not revive some old friendships and expect them to fit and you definitely can not bring an old relationship into your future. I have seen people fail because of it, and it makes me wonder do they ever learn from their past mistakes really?

I am not the same person I was 5 years ago, 10 years ago or even 20 years ago. I have been thinking about this a lot and noticed I have found myself saying I am still the same, but I am not at all, I am better. I am better for not staying where I lived 20 years ago, although the road has been long and littered with disappointment in many places, it has also had some great things. My Children being the best of it all, I love them and without them I am not sure where I would be. Having my kids at an early age, I am so thankful because if I hadn't I most likely would not have had children or not had children like they are.

I am thankful that I have gotten in contact with some old friends, but there are some that just don't need to be in my life.Some sadly enough I have had to cut contact with, not because I think I am too good, but they decided to hold onto the past, drama and things that I have said I would not bring into my future. Some people would look down on me for this, however this is my life and I am going nowhere but forward so I am no longer letting nothing or no one hold me back. Call me a snob if you will, but just because others want to thrive in drama, self pity and not make their life the best they can is not my problem to deal with, but I wish them the best. Lesson learned and go forward.

2012 is going to be about making my dreams come true. One of them is to have my own business, but until I have achieved that goal, I will work and concentrate on my goals ahead. I will have my own photography business and also hopefully be helping our indie film company under way. I love Scifi and Horror movies. I think it keeps your brain moving and your heart pumping. Romantic movies are silly, often make you sad and don't do anything for you, so stick with what is better right?We have some amazing stories to tell and with help of friends and family they will become a reality so watch for it in the future. Unrealistic? I don't think so, if Kevin Smith and Robert Rodriguez can do it, why not us?

I will try to leave my hurt and disappointment behind for this coming year. I will work hard and if I get knocked down I will get back up. I will concentrate more on the positive and leave the negative behind. My choices need to be for what I need to do to succeed and not what others think I need to do to succeed. I don't need to have tons of people behind me to support. I have a few friends that I hold close to my heart, everyone else I wish the best of luck. I do not see my new outlook as something bad, I see it as a way to find my success. The things that stress me out now will be out behind me, and with moving early in the new year, I will be healthier, I will lose the weight I need to lose and I will find my success. If people do not support me or can be happy for me then that is not my problem. Those things will all be a part of my past. I will learn and move on.



Love to all,

Janet

Merry Christmas!

Its Christmas eve and I know the people who know me best, know that Christmas time is my favorite time of year. For me the holidays has nothing to do with gifts, it's the excitement of the holidays, the smells from the baking and the decorations.Every year it all brings back the memories of when I was younger.

I always remember we had a huge tree, maybe it looked big because I was so small but I was always amazed by the size of the tree. Decorating the tree then turning on the lights was absolutely breath taking. There are so many Christmas holidays that I cherish, but there is one that always will stand out in my mind.

I believe I was almost 4 years old and my grandparents and 2 of my uncles spent Christmas at our house. My sister was just a few months old. The tree was decorated, my most loved family was with me and I couldn't ask for a better day. Making cookies and decorating ( and sneaking a few when backs were turned ) watching my favorite Christmas cartoons and the excitement that Santa would soon come by my house....But wait! We do not have a chimney, how in the world is Santa going to get in the house? It cracks me up to think of this, because what 4 year old thinks of these things? Obviously I did. I don't remember the exact details but I do remember I was completely stressed about it. Santa would not get his cookies, or see my note, how could this be happening?

I know my mother and step dad and grandparents were trying to assure me that Santa knew where to come and with all this magic would find a way to our tree. I was sleeping on the couch that night, as all little ones thoughts, they would sneak a little peek of Santa placing the gifts. I wanted more than anything to give Santa a big hug and say thank him for all the wonderful toys he always brought. Still not able to calm my grandmother told me I better go to sleep because Santa wont come if little kids do not listen and go to sleep.

Laying on the couch and really trying to go to sleep, the thoughts kept swirling through my head and although my eyes were closed I just could not go to sleep. All of the sudden I hear the sound of sleigh bells and I sat up and looked at everyone. I think my eyes almost popped out of my head and I said " Its Santa!". I wanted to jump off the couch and run to the door but I stayed right where I was. My grandfather came over and tucked me in and told me to go to sleep and when I wake up it will be Christmas. The excitement from hearing those sleigh bells knocked me right out and wouldn't you know, when I woke up, the cookies were eaten, the presents were under the tree and spread across the living room and I was one happy kid!

I later learned years after that it was my step grandfather outside on the porch with the sleigh bells. I smile when I think about that night knowing that he really did love me enough to help in that way. He passed away years ago, but is always in my heart. I don't remember not one present I got that Christmas, because that was not important. Years later, when I had my kids, it was always fun to do the same things that we had done when I was little. A trip to the tree farm, bring out the decorations, baking cookies, listening to Christmas music and snuggled up on the couch  with my babies in their pajamas watching our favorite holiday classics.

My kids are all almost grown now, but I hope that I was able to make their Christmas memories as special as the ones that I had when I was little. So now with Christmas day just hours away, just remember that the gifts will not last forever, its the memories we make. Decorations, the smells, the music, the classics and being with the ones you love.


Although I can not be with all of my family and friends this Christmas, I know that they are in my heart and I love them very much. Merry Christmas to everyone, I love you all!

Great advice!

Years ago I remember hearing this on the radio and it has stuck with me ever since. This was an Essay written by Mary Schmich and published by the Chicago Tribune June 1st 1997. Baz Luhrmann put the words with music in 1998 and it was played all the time. All I can say is I agree 100%

Everybody's Free (to wear sunscreen)

Mary Schmich Chicago Tribune

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of '97... wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be IT. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now. Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are NOT as fat as you imagine. Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday. Do one thing every day that scares you. Sing. Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, don't put up with people who are reckless with yours. Floss. Don't waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself. Remember compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements. Stretch. Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't. Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone. Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't, maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't, maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself, either. Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own. Dance. Even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room. Read the directions, even if you don't follow them. Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly. Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings; they are your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young. Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel. Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you'll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders. Respect your elders. Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out. Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85. Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth. But trust me on the sunscreen. I couldn't have said it better myself!

What's next? A look back and my views.

For far too long I have really put myself on the back burner for a lot of things. The one thing I will never regret doing it for is my children. I put off so many things but I wanted to make sure that I was there for them and that they had what they needed. Now my children are grown, so now I need to do something for myself!

Its a little scary because I am so use to taking care of them or everyone else and sometimes taking care of  others felt as if it was in vain. I have never been one to ask to be recognized for anything I do but its a common courtesy for someone to say "Thank You", which never really happens too much since I left West Virginia and moved North East. I think that after years of constantly doing for others, supporting others and whatever else, I started to become bitter about the way things went. I even started to question myself and wonder if it was just me and I have been assured by many that have known me for so many years, that there is nothing wrong with me and I should be a bit selfish. Selfish? hmmmm yeah, I can't do that really, Why? It's because I was not raised that way.

I can't say it was everyone that took advantage of my kindness, but there are a few people and they know who they are. Am I going to hold onto that grudge? Nope...I am working on a whole new me and I am going to let it go. It's a process because there have been people who I really trusted, or employers that I gave 110% to that just don't care or didn't care. In 2012 I am going to do what's best for me and screw the people who never believed in me. I think it took me almost 38 years to get to this point. Some people say I could have done this and that but with small children there are just sometimes you really can't. Family helped when they could and I couldn't trust daycare. I am thankful that I had my sister to help me out through those bad years, so very thankful, but she was trying to do the same as me, to live, so I waited.

I am glad I waited, because it has all been ONE HELL of a lesson and a long road to discovering me. I know that sometimes it's ok to walk away from situations and places that are not healthy. My marriage was my first part of discovery. I was a great wife and I did what I was suppose to. It was not my fault that my ex- husband cheated and was abusive. I felt guilty at first for walking away at first, but it was not my fault that he could not be faithful and that I was not enough for him, it was not my fault that he couldn't be truthful and it was not my fault for the abuse.You can't blame yourself for a relationship that just will not work and your the only one that see's it or can even be honest about it.

I have made mistakes along this road of discovery, but if you don't make mistakes, you can not learn or grow. So in that I have to forgive myself for either doing or not doing. I know I have to move past fear, and I know that I can not please everyone. I can do the best job that I can do and work hard towards what I believe in and if someone doesn't believe in me, well screw them! Why do I care what they think or feel. I am who I am and I am a pretty damn good person. My mom may not be perfect and we have our differences, but I know I am a lot like her in the way of not wanting to give up, working hard to show people what you are made of and what I can do. In that mom, I thank you. I know it wasn't easy raising us alone, but none of us are in jail or dead so you did well.

NYC has been another long part of my journey and I gave it my all. I also learned that behind all the bright lights and glamor, there is a ton of disappointment and a lot of people who will go out of their way to make you feel like you are worthless. I almost lost myself here but I found I was following the wrong path. I believe  most of my frustration stemmed from being told or made to feel that like your just not good enough. Not every experience was bad, but within the bad, I looked back and found the lesson and I can move on.  I am leaving NYC in the next few months, and I am looking forward to my oldest daughters graduation. I am so proud of her but worry as she is so much like me and wants to see the good in everyone. I also know she is very strong and will come to me for advise and guidance.
 
I learned that although you believe in yourself and in things so strongly, not everyone will have the same views. I can not do anything to make someone see my vision or point of view. In those cases where your up against a wall that won't come down, it's to drop your hammer and walk away because there is no need to tear down yourself in the process. So what's next? What will I do for me? The best part of it is, I can do anything I put my mind to, I just have to travel a different path and have patience, love myself and believe I know I can do it. I am smart, I am beautiful in my own and way and I really don't give a damn about those people, the ones I know to look out for now. The people who refuse to see my potential, the people who say they are friends but are out to screw you over every way they can. It's not too late for me to be successful. What about those walls that I may come against in the future that wont come down? Do what any other true southern girl would go, kick it in to 4 wheel drive and go right over it.

That is me, that is who I am!

A little advice

We all do the best we can in life, and sometimes it takes a few lessons before we really see the big picture. I know like many people out there will say the same and agree, I am not perfect! I come from a long line of stubbornness, also known as the " Sonny Wilson". If you know my grandfather then you will understand!

My grandfather will be the first to tell you. He has had his share of stuff, but he never hurt anyone on purpose. Life is a game of forgive, forget and learn. If you can't love yourself and forgive yourself then you cant move on in life. I know this because I am going through it too. I believe it took me almost 37 years to learn the most important things in life, or to really understand them.

Learn from the past but don't carry it with you! Take the lesson but not the thing you learned from. Communicate! If you can not communicate with people, nothing you do will be successful. Knock down walls where you see them, but don't waste time on the ones that wont come down, sometimes it's ok to walk away from something that's not healthy. In the long run, when you learn this, you will be happier and healthier. This can fit into anything, just be cautious and think things through. If you have to write a list with the pro's and con's about whatever it is. If there are more bad than good, well use your noodle and do the obvious captain!

Love yourself first! How important is this and it has taken me so very long to learn this one, but, I am still learning from it. You know your value and if you don't look in the mirror, love starts right there. You can't be angry and hostile your entire life. Just because someone did you wrong or people have done you wrong doesn't mean that everyone in life will do the same. Not everyone has the same outlook and will treat you badly. When you learn to love yourself this will become clearer. Just use good judgement.

When your young you think you have all the answers and then after you hit 30 they start appearing to you and you will stop and say " WOW, I really didn't know anything before did I? "

If you hate your career, and your not happy with it, look for something else, go back to school. Look for something that you can say, I love what I do. For some this could be opening your own business or just simply looking for a company that you fit with. Don't stay where you are not appreciated.

 I have a few really close friends that have been dealing with relationship issues. Some can be worked out, some cant and its better to move on. I can tell you this with what I have dealt with especially with my ex husband, You can only try so hard, and like I mentioned before, if you are the only one that is working to breaking down that wall, its not worth it to keep at it. Its ok to walk away. Your pride might get bruised but those heal! Sometimes there are people that just don't give a damn that they are hurt you and they don't see that maybe they should apologize. They always want to complain but never listen, take but never give. ( This doesn't mean material things, it also has to do with love ). You are better off without this and that's when you need to learn to love yourself. Once you do that, then do NOT go look for love. Be patient and have faith, it will come find you!

Family. We all need them and sometimes family isn't the easiest to deal with. But life is just too short and we need to cherish those we have. Sometimes people do things that are just evil and cruel and they know what they are doing, those are the ones that its ok to not deal with anymore, because no matter how many times you try to express how hurt you are they still don't see it and they don't care. Sometimes we aren't perfect and we all do things, but sometimes we just need to let go. This one for me I have to work on daily.Some people do change, you just have to open your eyes but let them know that because you have been hurt its hard to let them back in completely but you will try. We all have to have patience and understanding....but in the end we have to find it in ourselves to let the hurt go.

And to my children, Don't be in a Rush to grow up! Thank you for not making the same mistakes that I made, and Thank you for not making me a grandma yet lol. I know  when you get to that age you just want to go out and conquer the world but sometimes we have to slow down a little. The world isn't the same one now that I grew up in. Be mindful, and look before you leap. Don't be so in a rush to fall in love, heart breaks will come, but momma will be right there to hug you and wipe your tears. Don't ever be afraid to come to me about ANYTHING, even if you think I might get angry. I might be upset or disappointed but I will not stay that way. I have loved you  your entire existence and I will never stop! Live life, learn and don't ever stop! Your going to make mistakes but learn from them and don't make them again! And never ever forget I love you!

These are my thoughts and if you don't agree with it or think its stupid, well stop reading my blog and go look in the mirror. You are NOT the picture of perfection, like my friends from the UK would say, Sod off!

Wanting better for our children

Every parent says basically the same thing once their children are born, " I want the best, or better for my children". Not that we all had such terrible lives that we vow that they will not go through what we experienced, perhaps it was just something that happened growing up that prompts you to say it wont happen to your kid. I know sitting here and looking back on my life, I know I said the very same thing.

I was born in West Virginia and lived in the mountains. Much of what I know I learned from watching my family. We had gardens, we lived in the country. The men and sometimes the women hunted. We canned our crops, we washed our clothes in a ringer washer and hung them out to dry. Some people my read this and say, " My god, who would want to live that way?". I had no problem with the way I was raised in WV. We were always fed, always had clothes even if Grandma or Mom made them. Would I change a thing? NEVER! So what would I change about how I grew up and why would I want it different for my kids? Well, kids got a bit mean when I got a little older. Thank goodness I had great friends who were beyond the petty crap.

I have never made my children clothing, but I know if I had when they were in middle and high school they would have worn them with pride, just as I had. I wore them with pride regardless of what nasty comments were made about me. I lived in a nicer home when I was in middle school than most of my friends or even a lot of kids I knew lived in. Did that matter to me? Of course not, but for some reason, there were a few kids that made fun of me. Why? Who knows, and it hurt like hell. I have never been one for confrontation unless  you push me, then once you push me past that point watch out! I know I was not a bad person, and I was never in any trouble, but kids will be kids I guess. Only thing is now they have guns and knives. Kids of today are cowards. I didn't raise my kids to be like that. I taught them the same as I was, someone could be worse off, be thankful for what you have, and don't make fun of those less fortunate.

The same thing happened in high school, but it was pretty much the same few people. The school was bigger so I saw them less. But I found myself vowing my children would not go through the same thing. It wasn't just the clothes, it was that I didn't wear this or that, I didn't have straight teeth, my boobs weren't as big as other girls, or I wasn't as pretty. I tried to not let that bother me, but when your 15 and your first boyfriend dumps you for another girl first week of school because he thinks she is prettier? OUCH! But I moved on and I learned another lesson to teach my kids, NEVER DATE SOMEONE FOR LOOKS! That's right! They might be visually appealing on the outside, but inside they are a nasty mess!

My son I don't think needed to worry about that one, but my girls, because they are girls and girls hearts can get trampled, I tried to always tell them that. Don't listen to the lies that boys will tell you. You come  first, and then your school work. School is not for social gatherings, go there to learn and along the way make friends. Don't be in a hurry to grow up, life will be there, don't be in a rush to get to it. Don't listen to stupid things people say to be hurtful. Don't be a follower and be proud of who you are!

My kids are all almost grown, Yes I had them very early and that's one thing I am thankful they did not repeat. I believe my children have taken notice to how hard it is to be a parent and are in no rush to get there, THANK GOODNESS!  I am older now and those things don't matter anymore to me that happened. We all grew up and became better people. Some didn't but hey, that's on them and no one is perfect. I am no where near perfect, but I had that common sense to teach my kids what to look for. I am proud of the individuals who they have become. I can be at ease knowing that my words did sink in some and they valued what I had to say.

I raised my children without their father and I think I did a good enough job. In times that we have now, and how the economy is, I taught them to be smart about things, and now that my oldest daughter is looking for work and starting her senior year in high school, she understands a little better and appreciates things. I know that in years from now, when she has her own family, she can pass it on and I can smile.

I say this in taking note on how some kids today act, and worry that our future generation was not or is not being raised with those lessons or values. Lets not forget that these are the same people we need to depend on when we are older. Lets teach them that they need to work for what they get, rewards are not and should not be handed to you unless they are earned. Teach them to give back, either by service or paying it forward. Do something that might help someone, you never know what that kindness can do for that one person.

Not invited? NYC officials turn their backs on first responders.

The events of September 11th 2001 are something that will never be forgotten by anyone. That morning at 8:46 Hijacked American Airlines flight 11 bound for Los Angeles, hit the north tower of the World Trade center, at 8:46 am our lives were all changed. No matter where we were, what we were doing, we all felt the impact and the sadness of that day. On the morning of September 11th 2001, the first responders of NYC did what they have done their entire careers, they responded to a call!

9:03 am United Airlines flight 175 bound for Los Angeles hit the south tower of the World Trade center, now we know its an attack and New York City and our country is in a panic, yet the first responders, without a doubt had already sprung into action here in the city, racing into buildings, carrying out the wounded, assisting those who were trying to escape and attempting to rescue anyone else they possibly could. Their lives being at risk not the main priority, still pushing forward to do what they had vowed, to protect and to serve. They didn't show up by invite, they were just there.

Two hijacked flights hit NYC that day, American Airlines flight number 77 hit the Pentagon at 9:38 and a final hijacked United Airlines flight 93 , which was over taken by the brave passengers who gave their lives to not allow another hit happen that morning crashed into a field at 10:10 ending the terror from the skies that morning.

We have never forgotten the events, and we have not forgotten those that risked their lives, that gave their lives doing what they were trained to do. We honor these brave ones every year and mourn the lives that  were taken that morning, however this year NYC officials decided that those first responders who survived, who were wounded that day are not invited to the 10th Anniversary of the attacks. I was not here on that morning as I did not yet live here until 2004, but I was still affect by those events as were so many other Americans. As a loved one of a NYC Detective  who served in the recovery efforts of those who died, I am disgusted and angered by the moronic decision of the NYC officials for the obvious slap in the face to the first responders. What in the HELL are you thinking?

Those men and women didn't come by invite, to risk their lives, to lose their lives. They didn't sit around and wait for someone to tell them to go, they just did it. Why? Because that is why they became who they are, who they were! I am angered beyond words by something that is so heartless. New York Daily News reported that a city official stated that there is no room, that security issues are involved and that the first responders will be given a ceremony at a later date. WHAT? Again, these men and women who gave their lives, who risked being wounded or killed did not give a second thought! Security issues? I'm sorry, I would not say that thousands of men and women who are paid officers to carry fire arms daily would be an issue, I say that would be an asset.

So there you have it, a city who is turning their backs on the bravest of 9/11. NYC has again delivered a blow to the gut of these people who live with the images from that day. These men and women are affected beyond what any of us could ever begin to understand. They lost hundreds of their co-workers, they lost loved ones and they still carried on. These people continue to do their jobs, to keep us safe, to save our lives, and they don't even get hazard pay. Yet a garbage man who risks nothing but maybe a strained muscle or coming face to face with a dog sized rat, does.

I can say that when we leave NYC, we will not be sorry. This city has done nothing but continue to see what and how they can take away from those who were there, who pushed on selfless, to protect the city they use to love.

On September 11th 2011, the 10th Anniversary of the Terror attacks, when you are remembering those who have died also remember those who continue to serve. NYC  officials have seemed to forgotten.