My Grandfather is my Superman.

My grandfather in my eyes is Superman. He isn't perfect, but he has always there and taught me many lessons through  the years. Right now he is very ill and very weak which breaks my heart in a million pieces. He is my Superman, my Hero. I talked to my mother today and she updated me on how he is and things are very serious right now. He needs a pacemaker and some work on his kidneys and the arteries in his neck. I am not use to my grandfather, Charles E. Wilson Sr, being so weak and sick.


I remember my grandfather when I was little, how he always found a lesson in every thing to teach me, no matter what it was, and everywhere he went I followed. He has always been very stern, and at the same time was very loving. If he spanked me, you could see in his eyes it was breaking his heart. He would explain why he was doing it and that he loved me very much, but what I did was wrong.

Me, my grandparents and uncles 1974

When my sister was born it was a very tough time for my grandparents, my uncle Terry had just been killed in a car accident just a few months before. They had moved into a new home and were still numb from shock. My grandfather did what he could to care for us all, with his heart still breaking he carried on and remained strong. 


One day, he went out to chop wood for the fireplace. I think it was either late November or early December because there was a little snow on the ground. He headed out with his ax to go down the road little to find a tree that was good to cut up for firewood. As he was walking out the door, I screamed " papa wait for me!", running to get my socks and boots on. I grabbed my little wagon and ran down the drive way to catch up. At the end of the drive way we walked up the hill a little and found a downed tree that was good to chop. While he split the wood, he told me to stand back so I wouldn't get hit by the flying chips, so I sat in my wagon and watched him swing away. I happened to look down and there at my feet was a tiny little turtle, frozen. I screamed because I didn't want it to be dead, so I grabbed the turtle, tucked it in my pocket and told him I would be right back.


I ran into the kitchen where my grandmother was cooking and she asked what I was doing, I told her I needed warm water. There was a little sink by the back door where she put warm water in for me and walked back to tend to breakfast. I placed the little turtle in the water and swished it around, trying to make it move. My grandma finally came over to see what I was doing when she heard me cry. She said, " Janet Lee, what in the world are you doing, throw that thing outside". I told my grandma that it was frozen and I was trying to make it warm. She told me there was nothing I could do, just take it out or maybe bury it and wrapped it in a little cloth for me. My grandma hated for insects, lizards or anything else in that nature to be inside of the house, but she understood.


I walked back to where my grandpa was crying, I couldn't understand why I couldn't get the turtle to breathe. My grandpa asked what happened and I told him, unwrapping the lifeless turtle and holding it in my little hands. I asked him if we could bury him so the animals would not eat him. He dug a small hole and we placed him in the cloth and covered him . Later when we were back at the house, I was still very weepy. I crawled into his lap and put my arms around his neck. He explained that in life, all things would eventually die, even if they were young. I remember tears being in his eyes while he talked, but at the time I didn't understand that he also meant my uncle. I sat in his lap and he held me there, telling me that the turtle knew that I loved it and not to worry. I fell asleep in my grandfathers arms, feeling safe as always and very loved.

My grandfather has always been a very hard working man, always taking care of his family. He is like a father to me, in every thing he did and the lessons that he taught. Now my grandfather is getting older and he isn't as strong. We never had a ton of money and but what we had he always hard for. I thank God for that man because he is part of he reason I am who I am today. He taught us that life is what you make it, but work hard and be happy with what you are given because life is too short. 


I don't plan on seeing anything happen to him anytime soon. He is stubborn and wont give up that easy and that is one of the things I really admire about him.


Grandpa, you mean the world to me, you have me more in life lessons than all the money in the world, and for that I feel like the richest person alive. I love you more than I can ever put into words.

My grandparents before they were married

On the road to a new and improved me!

So yesterday I started a appetite control medication my Dr prescribed after me asking for it. Why would I take it when there are so many ways of losing weight and not needing medication? Well its simple, STRESS! Yes, that's right people, plain and simple, stress defeats me when it comes to losing weight.

Everyone is different and sometimes we just need a little boost to achieve our goals. I had zero energy, no desire to do anything and I was tired all the time. People might say its depression, but I don't think so. I get frustrated when I am trying to work hard towards something and no matter how hard I try and no matter what I do, being told that no I cant, I did the one thing I could do, eat.

I did do the Fat Loss for Idiots and I lost about 20 lbs, but I had a hard time getting over that slump. I think that when you have a larger goal than others when it comes to this subject, that is just something that is not the best to start with, maybe later after you get over that hump, but not just yet. Yesterday I took my first dose, and I completely understand why she told me NO COFFEE! WOW!!!!! There is no need for caffeine at all, this gives you a kick in the ass to get you going and makes you feel fantastic! Not only do I have more energy and feel hungry less, but I feel happier and finally want to focus on things that I had not been able to previously.

I know I have a long way to go, but I believe for myself I chose the right path to helping me achieve my weight loss goal. I know that once I can get past that hump I wasn't able to before, my confidence and will power will return, the stress will go down and I can look at things or people that stand in my way, and either conquer them or give them the finger basically and move on.

Like it or not, I am changing and for the good, so watch out world, I have goals to achieve!

My personal battle: Fear

Fear:
–noun

1.a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.

 

So you might ask what I have to be afraid of, right? This is very hard for me, to write it out, to put it all out there. I have battled through a lot of things in my life, too many to count but why be afraid? And what is it I am afraid of? Its a good question, and I deal with this at different times in my life. Sometimes I can just brush it off as a silly worry, other times I doubt if I will make it through whatever I am dealing with. 

The only thing I can say that could be a reason is that I am afraid of losing whatever is going well for me. Before I have  fought hard to get to accomplish something, feel good about it only to have it ripped away from me to feel helpless. This has happened over and over to a point that now, although things are going well, I still am afraid .

Its frustrating to feel this, I don't like it at all. I have always tried to be strong, and I have remained strong through some of the toughest things in my life, yet right now, I don't have anything to worry about. I have a lot to look forward to coming up, finally having a home that I own, a potential to start my own business and finally have control over when I want to go on vacation and not have to listen to others.

But here it is, poking at me, making me wonder when the other shoe is going to drop. Well its just something I need to deal with, I am a strong and loving person. I don't take no for an answer, I just look for another way to get to my goal. I need to try and stick to one thing at a time. There is so much I missed out on at times in my life that now I have the potential to accomplish, I want to do it all at once, because lets face it I am not getting any younger.

So here I go battling on, forcing my confidence to the front, because I will not let my fear win. Its just a slow process and I have to ask those close to me to be patient, because I know it will all be okay and I will get through this.

 

 

 

 

Ding dong Osamas dead! A warning to his network. You will go down!

A date that will never be forgotten, May 1st 2011. A day in history books that will carry on for generations. The beast who started an organization in 1988 met his end on May 1st 2011. Osama Bin Laden ordered the attack on the USA on September 11th 2001 that left our country in shock, panic, and sadness. He took away families and destroyed lives, and even put a dent in our economy. There is one thing he forgot about. This is the USA, we get knocked down but we stand back up and fight, guess he didn't know about Pearl Harbor?

We have one hell of a strong military, we have the determination to rebuild and stand together and we have a temper! Our military has hunted him down and its been an extremely long fight. Our soldiers lost their lives in the hunt, were injured in battles but carried on their mission, find Osama and end his life. They fought along other soldiers from other countries with the same mission, keep this from happening again and keep our families safe!


All I can think is that he must have been way too cocky to think he would never be found. We didn't drop an atomic bomb on him, but he got what he had coming, a bullet to the brain. That bullet that killed him , shot by one brave Navy Seal's weapon from a group of courageous Navy seals carried the names of those who died in NYC, Washington D.C. and that field  in PA. It carried the will of the families who lost their loved ones, the Police, EMS, Transit Authority officers and Fire fighters who worked together to find the remains of those lives that were lost. It carried the determination of our nation to find him and to destroy what he built.

On May 1st 2011, a great thing happened, the beast was taken out but we aren't done. That's right, our military will not sleep until his entire network in just a bad memory. So to those who plan to carry out his mission take note, the world is still looking for you, we stand together and we will wipe you out!


To those who died on September 11th 2001, may you Rest In Peace!

Goodbye to a real Hollywood Legend!

Yesterday we lost a true Hollywood great, Elizabeth Taylor. With her passing, it makes me think how those classic days are really fading fast, and all we will have left is the memories. Elizabeth Taylor, even with her faults, had style, grace, class and beauty. Today’s Hollywood cannot hold a candle to what use to be.

I am only 37, but I fell in love with those old days when I was a little girl. Watching the classics on TV and wanting to be like Elizabeth Taylor or Ingrid Bergman. Watching the Oscars was a special thing and what an event for the whole family to enjoy. Those days are long gone and I do not believe we will ever have a time like that ever again.

Our Hollywood today is filled with many talentless who do not have an idea of what class is and think that drinking yourself silly or acting like a total ass is entertainment. Sadly, there are few movies that I own that I can call favorites from our generation. 

In my opinion, I would love to have Old Hollywood back, not the drama filled, look at me types we have today. There is no more glamor or grace on the silver screen any longer, instead we get stuck with those like Lindsey Lohan. Where are those actors and actresses like Judy Garland, Humphrey Bogart,and Ingrid Bergman. Who would be the next Elizabeth Taylor? No one will ever be able to fill her shoes in my eyes. RIP Ms. Taylor. You were a beautiful soul, even with your own problems, you touched so many with your movies and your absolute passion to help. Your work for AIDS research will go on through others and you will shine for all time in your movies like you shine now like a star in the sky.

A letter to my father....

For 37 Years, I have tried to come up with the exact words I want to say, well not exactly 37 but for a very long time. I cant say I am angry any longer, because what good does that do to be upset with someone who doesn't care. I have always been better with writing my thoughts and feelings, but when it comes to you, I am clueless. All I can say is that it has all been your choice.

 I can not say what happened with you and my mom but it was your choice to try your best to be there for me and you chose not to. For years I was angry at my mother because I thought it was her that made you stay away, but it wasn't. Although she and I have clashed over the years and she has not been the poster child for mother of the year, she raised me without you and with that being said, now here is what I have to say to you.

 I felt like I had missed out on so much, but its you that missed out. You missed out on being called daddy, and all the Christmas days and Birthdays. You missed out on me going through my tomboy phase, mud pies and finger paintings. You weren't there to give my first boyfriend a talk or to comfort me when I got my heart broken for the very first time. You missed so many things, that were so important to me, like your grandchildren being born, or anything else I have accomplished in my life.  I have learned so many hard lessons in life and all without you there, so what does it all mean?

It means I have become the woman I am today without you ever being by my side. I am creative and thoughtful, I have a temper at times, but I am fast to forgive.  See I appreciate the little things in life and know life is too short to be angry at those who deserve it. I let go of my anger a long time ago, but this all  has went unsaid for many years. I have tried to make a relationship with you as an adult, but you do the same thing that you have always done, run away from me. I now know its not any of my doing, because I didn't ask for you to bring me into this world, and things happen for a reason. So I don't owe anything but my thoughts, and its all for me, because I have sat down and wrote this letter many times, to just throw it away. You may never know these words, and that's ok, because it has all came out, through the tips of my fingers.

Out of the mouths of babes......

The other day my 15 yr old daughter made a decision, without any input from me at all. She said she was deleting her Facebook page because she spends too much time on it and she needed to put more attention towards her school work. Imagine that, not a bit of persuasion from mother or any other adult, she came to this decision all on her own! I couldn't be more proud of my daughter, who is becoming a beautiful young woman all too fast.

This isn't a bad idea, or even cutting back on it. I know that I got wrapped up in Facebook and the games that you can play, or catching up on people from my past and present. I put down my camera, forgot almost about my photography or other things that use to be so important. So what if we all do what my daughter is doing? If a child can do it why cant we? I think we all need to remember that there is a life outside of Facebook. Go back to reading books, or learn something new, there are many free lessons online that you can participate in, or take a nice long walk, curl up and watch a  movie, or take up a hobby such as knitting, or cake decorating.

Does it mean that I will give it up for good? Who knows, but I do know that since I have cut back, I have found so much more time to do the things I said I no longer had time for. I have gone back to using Twitter which is not as time consuming but allows me to keep in touch with my awesome friends. If you step back and take a look you will see what I mean. I believe we all are so obsessed with technology that we forget about our lives and our families. We need to introduce the passion for learning to our children, since its something that's missing from schools today. Let's not let them rot away to reality TV and video games. Maybe then our future generations wont be in trouble. Maybe our kids will go back to being happy with being themselves, and not so worried about growing up so fast. Just maybe they will learn to not take life for granted. All it takes is just one to plant the seed......