How I knew I was meant to work in the medical field

There are things that we do in life that we just know that we were meant to do, to be there in that moment or on that journey. I believe all the struggle that I went through once I moved back to Florida lead me to what I was destined to do. I looked everywhere to find a job believing that all of the experience I had for so many years, someone would surely scoop me up right away and boy was I wrong. Not knowing what to do, I found myself at a cross road in my life, and unsure where to go next. I decided that it was now or never, go back to school and finish what I had tried to begin all those years ago, and due to lack of support was unable to complete.

I decided that I would enroll in the Medical Assisting program at Keiser University, unsure that this late in life I could be successful at Nursing. My nervousness began to leave as I began making top grades in everything I learned, however still slightly unsure that I could do this or that I was even going the right direction. At the end of my core classes I began my MA externship, which is a type of field training to get you ready for putting your skills to use in the real world. Was I ready for it? Well it was just too late to back down, so nerves in all I jumped into my first day, and the next and the next. The days got easier as I floated to different departments, working with new people, meeting all kinds of patients and learning that I was really good at what I was doing, even with a limit set to what I could do as a student.

I have excelled in all that I do, and some days just being the hand a patient holds because they are scared and just need the support was more rewarding than I thought it could ever be. I was happy to go in every day and work so hard that I passed out as soon as I sat down at home, not being paid but so very happy at the same time. That is the moment that I knew, and I am now confident that I can move on to Nursing because that is where my destiny is leading me, and I am now months away from graduating with my Associates in Science Degree in Medical Assisting.

The road ahead is wide open, ready to take me where ever I want to go. I got here without anyone forcing me into it and just little support from those who matter, but I did it and I will keep on going. It's the little rewards that keep me going, the smile from a difficult patient, the hug from an elderly lady who was so afraid, the inspiring story of hope from a nurse who beat cancer and the feeling I get when I sit in my truck so tired from a long day, but I feel like I did something important today and it is why I will continue on the path I am now. Never give up, it is never too late to achieve your goals and dreams.

The Race War: It will keep going until we stop those who are supporting it!

I read something this morning that is really disturbing and honestly I am not shocked. What is happening around this country is sad and it wont be resolved until everyone starts to learn to put race aside. A friend post an article about artists who are touring in the state of Florida and have canceled their tour dates to boycott the stand your ground law. Justin Timberlake said this

"I REFUSE TO ENTERTAIN A STATE WHO'S GOVERNMENT ALLOWS PEOPLE TO SHOOT-N-KILL UN-ARMED TEENAGERS!" 

I fully understand being passionate about something I believe in and not supporting something that is against what I believe, but come on really? Do you honestly think that the state government of Florida gives two shits if you cancel your shitty concerts anyway? I love him as a comedian, he is a funny guy but to me his music is crap! Others joining this so called boycott are :

MARY - MARY, ROD STEWART , EDDIE LEVERT, MAZE/FRANKIE BEVERLY , PATTI LABELLE , PARLIAMENT/FUNKADELIC ,THE ROLLING STONES, MADONNA , ALISHIA KEYS, USHER, WILL.I.AM, R. KELLY , TREY SONGZ, RIHANA, ERYKAH BADU, MARY J. BLIGE , "JAY-Z" , "KANYE WEST", WALE' , YOUNG JEEZY, CHARLIE WILSON, JOE, JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE, CIARA, KELLY ROWLAND, KEYSHIA COLE

Now, here is my thought, some might agree, some may not but.... WHAT A BUNCH OF MORONS!!! Not only does the government NOT CARE that they are canceling but these people and others think they will hurt the already bad economy in Florida and cause the government to change their mind on the stand your ground law. SERIOUSLY? Your a special kind of stupid aren't you? Here is what else is wrong with their thinking. First a large percentage of the state of Florida population is....you guess it, ELDERLY! The first few on that list have their foot in the grave anyway, so Uh not really well thought out. Another thing is while the government does not give a crap that you are canceling, you didn't think about the people who work those venues did you? No, I am pretty sure that was not given a thought at all. So while your mad at the government, the young woman who has to work to support her children because her husband was killed protecting this country over seas will have one day less on her pay. That 18 year old boy who is working hard to get money saved for college so he can get out of his shitty neighborhood has one day less on his pay towards his goal. Their race? Does that really matter? They are human!

You are not punishing the Florida government, you are punishing the people who have to work in these places during the concerts. Where is this all coming from? The people who want to keep this going as a race war because they are raking in the money to keep this going. The media, The Reverend Al Sharpton and  The Reverend Jesse Jackson and a countless list who are not in this because they really believe in it, its because they want racism to keep going! Do you think Martin Luther King Jr would agree with what they are doing? No I don't think so. He wanted equality, he wanted peace and that has been sent to hell in a hand basket!

So Reverend Sharpton, Jackson, let me ask you this, do you think God would support what your doing? Do you think fanning the flames of racism is going to get you a spot in heaven? I thought that men of God were suppose to care for all people regardless of color? But do you see them supporting the mother of the 13 month old child Antonio Santiago, in Georgia who was shot and killed by the 2 teenagers that tried to rob her? Where is the outrage about the child dying? Did you even hear about it on the news? No you sure didn't. Did you hear of groups protesting the acquittal of Roderick Scott from Greece, NY? Nope sure didn't. Who is Roderick Scott? Never heard of him right? Pretty much the EXACT same thing that happened here in Florida with Zimmerman and Martin but the Roles were reversed, the victim was white and the shooter was black.

http://www.cnn.com/2013/03/22/us/georgia-baby-killed

http://rochester.ynn.com/content/top_stories/490926/jury-finds-roderick-scott-not-guilty/



Mr. Scott confronted the victim Chris Cervini who he thought was up to no good stealing cars in the neighborhood, he claims that Cervini charged at him and he shot him in self defense killing the 17 year old. I remember this case from when I lived in NY. Was the trial covered on CNN? Was it followed everyday by all the news stations? No. Were there riots, protesting, national unrest? No.

Do you follow me yet? I could go on and on with all the crimes in this country, and its not just white on black, black on white, its hispanic on hispanic, black on black, white on white. Its all of the above and more. This will not end with boycotting, that will not solve anything at all. What will is education, people working together. Riots, boycotts, protesting....does this help anything, has it helped anything? No. Is the media guilty of fanning the flames of the race war? Yes, do they tell the truth? No they do not. Its been proven over and over again, and yet people still believe all the bull.

So where are the Reverends protesting for the countless crimes against other races? Where are the stars that are boycotting the states where the crimes against others are committed? It's not happening and it will not happen. So how will this all stop? Education by people that care! You want to be passionate about it? First educate your children, teach them not to be racist. Go into the crime ridden communities and teach these kids something. They are full of ALL RACES! Give these kids something to look forward to, teach them skills that will help them out in the world. Start in the communities that need the help, give them something to do other than join gangs like the the bloods, crips and the latin kings. Educate them on not killing each other first, then to not kill others.

By the way, are these stars, these artists getting out going into the communities to help? Are they working to educate kids on not being racist? How about their albums and their movies? How many on that list and others not mentioned have that same word that Paula Deen was crucified over? No and yet they want to cancel their appearances their concerts and its hurting no one but the people who need to work that day to support their families. Bravo! You just attributed your ignorance towards the problem and not the solution. STOP MAKING THIS ABOUT BLACK AND WHITE! Taking away gun right will not stop killing. What are they going to protest knives, alcohol? baseball bats, box cutters, tire irons, cars? All things used to kill someone.  But who am I? Just one voice!

Remember the good times

Life, as we all know is way too short. My family has been reminded of the a little too much lately and again on April 5th, 2013. That day we lost another far too young. Madonna Lynn was beautiful in every way. She was not afraid to live life, to stand up to someone or to love. Madonna was one of my many cousins and she was indeed a rare gem.

For those who knew her, they are smiling as they read this and know what I mean. She had a personality bigger than life, a contagious smile, a laugh that would fill the room and just a blast to be around. We all have our downfalls and she struggled in life, but we all do at some point. I want to remember her for all the wonderful things I knew about her, that she was a good mother, that she loved her family, that she loved people for who they were and not the color of their skin, their status in life.

When I heard that she passed my heart was broken, I had thought about her so much lately. I feel bad that I didn't try to contact her, but I know that she knew I loved her very much. We had so many memories, and a few I shared with her mom the other night on the phone.  Late night card games, getting thrown out of the movie theatre, harassing her brothers, hanging out with our other cousins. I remember the last time I saw her which was far too long ago, she met me at the door with 2 margaritas in her had, gave one to me with a big smile on her face ( Yeah that was a fun weekend.) No matter when in life the memory is, it was a funny one.

We will all miss her. I can't really put into words what she meant to me, her kids, her mom, brothers and sister, fiance but I know we have another star in the sky now, one of the brightest in the sky shinning down on us always letting us know she is still there. Rest In Peace Madonna Lynn Harris- Eisnaugle, we love you always and forever.

Goodbye 2012. A year in review and what I have learned

So here we are at the end of another year. In a few short days we will be ringing in another year with our resolutions that we may or may not keep. We made it past the predicted end of the world, so we should make it count right? So how was your year looking back?

My year seemed to blow by so quickly that the last few days I have sat and reflected on it. We are in fact in a new cycle of life aren't we. Isn't that what the end of the Mayan calendar really meant? My 2012 had a mixture of ups and downs. I learned a lot this year, about myself, about people, about life. I am looking at 2013 with hopes that it will indeed be much better than 2012.

In March of this year we left our home in Brooklyn, NY and moved to Florida, not an unknown territory for me however, I was returning as a completely different person than when I left in 1996. We spent months searching for a house, purchased a new vehicle and moved into our new home and my oldest daughter graduated high school. Just in those short few months I learned so much and instead of stewing on it continuously I decided that I will just learn and throw it in the past. In less than a week I start a new chapter in my life. I am returning to school so I can finally get a career, a little late in the game but better late than never.

My family and I took an amazing cross country trip, I got to see and visit places I have only seen in pictures. We walked the Golden Gate Bridge, we drove down Lombard Street, spent time with some amazing people who I have so much love and respect for. I got to spend time with a friend who I had not seen in a few years, and learned so much about our country, and the Navajo people who are just amazing. What an amazing journey it was.

Fall seemed to be the beginning of what seems to be an unending nightmare. I say seems because it is still happening. We have lost so many people in our family since August, mostly to cancer, some to other illnesses but for the most part death has chosen cancer to be the breaker of hearts in our family. I honestly fear my phone ringing or getting a text. It seems like every time is bad news, and I don't see how I sleep at night. All the stress of losing loved ones has done nothing but caused me to have irritation in my stomach. Another person in my family is dying now, and again it is cancer. This person has been special in my life although we had grown apart. I recently got to speak to him and let him know that mistakes are made, and that I love him dearly. I wish I hadn't waited so long but we both come from a long line of stubbornness.

I know this, life is too short. Love those who truly love you, forget the fake people in your life. To be healthy you have to participate in life, lose stress if you can and go out and enjoy every single day. Shitty days will come and go, but what you do with it is up to you. If you want to lose weight, change the way you eat, but you also have to exercise and take care of yourself. The people who call themselves your friends, if they are they will be there no matter what, if they aren't they will slowly disappear. If that happens, let them go because people like that will only bring you down.

I am going to try in 2013 try to focus more on the good and less on the bad. I will try and focus more on my weight loss, making our home the way we want it, and just being happy. I forgot how to live in the last few years for letting other people into my head. In 2013 it will be about the new me and making my  little family happy. So what will you do? Make it count, your getting another chance to make your life fantastic, don't waste it, others do not have the ability. Love, Peace, Health and a Happy New Year to you all!

How to love yourself

This is a topic that will hit home with so many people, because when you think about it we really don't. So how do we love our self and how do we know we don't already? Good question! I can tell you from years of experience that I didn't and really had to learn on my own how to do this. Its very simple when you think about it, and all you need to do is remind yourself what to do.

The first step to loving yourself is doing something for you every day. I know you might say, " But I don't have time." Everyone has time! Take a walk in the evening, sit on your porch with a cup of tea, take a nice warm shower , have a glass of wine and listen to relaxing music. All of these things I have mentioned are just a few of many things you can do to relax and unwind. If you are stressed out all the time it really makes you feel down, can make your body do weird things and can ultimately lead to depression, trust me its all from my own experience. Do yourself a favor and start to do something for yourself, and keep a journal or a blog in no time you will see what a difference it makes. If you didn't love yourself before you will now.

 http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2m9f9s/m.wikihow.com/Take-a-Detox-Bath/

Fast food is a killer! If you don't believe it, just look back at yourself, friends, family, society. Do you eat out all the time? Look back 15, 20, 30 years ago. We were all more active at one point and some of us a lot skinnier, healthier, happier. Our country has turned into a land of convenience and we have all become lazier. Fast food was the way to refuel on the go and be able to continue. This is a really bad habit. OK, I get it so you love that Wendy's chicken sandwich or that burger from checkers. I admit it there are places I love, but its so very very bad for you. I have made it a point to stop eating out so much, and it does make me feel better.

The typical diet should include 2000 calories to maintain a healthy body weight. If you are a little over weight, you can adjust this but keep it healthy. Talk to your doctor or nutritionist before making any changes to assure that you make the correct choice. My Dr. advised me to keep it between 1800-2000 calories a day. You can join Weight Watcher online, follow Fat Loss for Idiots or simple modify your way of shopping. Greatest advice that I received from friends and they look great, " STOP SHOPPING IN THE MIDDLE ISLES!". Avoid all the boxed stuff, canned basically anything that is processed. I am still working on this but I am getting better. Have a cheat day 3 times a month and eat whatever you want, but the day after go back to your healthy eating and of course you need to exercise. When you feel healthier you will be able to love yourself more.  http://www.livestrong.com/article/263595-how-many-calories-do-i-need-per-meal/

Have fun! Be silly! Being serious all the time does not help anything at all and pretty much makes you hold everything inside. Be silly and let the stress out. Be adventurous and take a drive without using your GPS, just pick a direction and go. It doesn't have to be cross country but travel beyond your comfort zone. I always enjoy our random road trips, and we usually end up discovering something very cool. Have a game night, or a theme for every night of the week. Pick up silly costumes or hats and designate a day of the week. This is just another example on how to be happy and stress free. Stop worrying about what others might think and live. If people have something negative to say about your wacky, fun side they are just jealous!

Life is too short, so you have to be happy! This is the ultimate rule and will help you love yourself more. Be happy because somewhere in the world, someone has it way worse than you. Don't feel sorry for yourself. You think you hit bottom? So its time to climb back up and don't look back. Your mind can make you think things and before you know it, you feel what you think. STOP THAT! Read a book on positivity, cut the negative people from your life. Do something happy for you and surround yourself with happy positive people. Its been proven that the mind can make the body think its ill and this usually involves being depressed. Tell yourself your healthy and happy. Get out of bed, off that couch, drop that McDonald's cheeseburger. Go do something that makes you happy. If you keep telling yourself your sick, tired, etc then you will be. I refuse to be those things anymore and I feel better every day. No its not going to happen overnight but it will happen and you will begin to feel better. This will get yourself on track to a healthier, happier, more loving you! No I am not an expert, just someone who wanted and needed to love herself. So its all up to you, why not start today?

It all comes down to you.

Remembering Aunt Mary

On August 10th 2012 lost quite an amazing woman to cancer. I can't begin to tell you how ANGRY that makes me. Our family has had it pretty hard with this damn disease but I can tell you one thing its not breaking us down. My aunt was so very special, in every way. She was not wealthy but she had a heart of gold and to me that made her the richest woman in the world. She smiled every day, never complained, I never saw her angry ever and boy did she give great hugs and kisses.

How can a woman so amazing suffer from such a nasty disease? She held true to the end. I had just barely returned from my trip to California when I was informed that she was diagnosed and had 2-6 months depending on how fast the cancer spread. How could this be? I sat on my bed and I felt as if someone had shot me with a stun gun. With in the next few days I had called her, she had been very sick and it was hard to catch her feeling well enough to talk. When I finally got to speak with her I did all I could to hold in the tears. I still couldn't believe it but I told her how much she meant to me and how very much I loved her. She let me know she loved me too. That was the last time I spoke with her, but I am at peace knowing that I was able to let her know.

My aunt had a smile that could light up a room, a laugh that could cheer you up on the worst of days, and hugs that could melt your heart. She also was a carbon copy of my grandmother ( my mom's mother ). One memory of her that I hold so close to my heart is how I found out that my grandmother Virgie, on my fathers side had died. We had just moved back to West Virginia and we were over at my aunts house. I really wanted to see my grandma and sure I had been bugging my mother about it non stop. I know I had been called in the house and my aunt told me to come sit on her lap. She held me really close pointed at a photo hanging on the wall of my great grandparents. She asked me if I knew where they were and I said " Yes in heaven". I just remember her hugging me very close and she told me that my grandma was also now in heaven, that she had been very sick and had passed away.

To a kid in the 4th grade, it was hard to understand really what cancer was, but I knew I didn't like the word. I cried and she held me, rocking me in the chair, but I felt the love and comfort being with her. Now she is gone and no longer suffering. I can still hear her calling my name and laughing, " Janet Lee come here..." because I was always doing something silly, or falling down.


I have not felt this saddened since my uncle John was killed years ago, not that I was not sad for the passing of other family members, but there are some people that just are held a little closer to my heart. I hope that a cure for cancer will be found soon, but until then I will continue to donate to help find a cure.

 To my family I love you guys and my heart breaks that she is gone. And to my aunt Mary, your an amazing woman who I have always loved and will forever hold you in my heart. I love you! May you rest in peace!

Arriving at your cross road

In life I believe we take for granted so much, until we start getting older and thinking more about where we are going. You arrive at your cross road and think where now? What direction do I choose? I believe I have arrived at my cross road. Recently I have taken on quite a few changes. I moved from NYC back to FL, moved into our new home and drove 2,920 miles from FL to CA. Yes, that's right and I did all the driving on my own, well at least on the way there.

When  you drive this long you have plenty of time to think and I believe I did a ton of that without really knowing it. I thought about what I might do as a career, how can I improve myself and other things that really that don't matter. Today I walked the Golden Gate Bridge. Why? Well I love walking and what an amazing view we had. While I was walking, I thought more and more. I have done something that most people don't get to experience and seen some of the most beautiful and amazing things along the way. So what now? I am 38 and will be 40 in 2 years.

I have arrived at my cross road. I have skills from jobs I have had over the years, I have had experiences and ideas I can use to my advantage. I have worked and worked hard, dealt with crazy things all while wearing a smile and most of the time keeping my thoughts to myself because I have come to find out that you really can't trust people sometimes, however this is all a part of the circle of life.

I think I have held onto the negative from my life for too long, I worry way too damn much and I don't believe in myself as much as I really should. I have listened to the wrong people, and let them make decisions for my life they had no business making because somewhere along the line I let these people make me believe that I was not worthy of doing that myself.

I am now taking that power back, I am going to do the things that make me happy and that make me a better person. If these people are too negative for my life, they will be cut out, simple as that. I may have said this many times but this time I mean it. I have to do what's right for me now. I am going to try to write my blog posts more because I love writing and I am working on taking a script I wrote for a film short and turning it from 10 minutes of filming to 90 minutes and I know I can do it.

One quote from a movie I love really lays it all out , " So do all who see such times. But this is not for us to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that we are given". For me I  have decided to work harder at losing weight and to make sure  I am happy with me, it doesn't matter what any one else thinks. I have seen and made it through worse. I could lose everything I have worked so hard for, my home, my relationship, or anything in my life I value right now and I will still be ok. So where will I go at my cross road? This is for me to decide, but I know it will be great!

 

Perfect?

I am not perfect! This is a statement that if you know me or not, are well aware of. I have made mistakes, I have fallen down, let people down and just have not been myself at times, but I am not perfect. I was raised with this, " If you are pointing at someone there are always 3 fingers pointing right back at you.", now that at times is very hard to remember but it always hits you at just the right time.

I grew up in a family that didn't have much but we made the best of what we had, and I never at anytime if I had more threw it in peoples faces. I was the same person in middle school that lived in a trailer, that then lived in an awesome house with a pool and then to a house with no pool and smaller, but I was me. I treated my family the same as well as my friends. I thought it was how everyone should be but that wasn't the case.When you grow up you start to see that people you admired before aren't the same anymore, then the older you get the big picture gets a little clearer.

I went from being this naive southern girl to getting quite the reality wake-up call when I left West Virginia to start a new life after my divorce but it was something I needed to do. I lived a life where I think I was sheltered from the harsh realities in life. Living a part of your life with a man who you thought you loved and loved you only to find he was constantly looking for someone to replace you with, or someone who was hotter, prettier, smarter....Yeah one of those, but I woke up and I moved on.

I believe that I was stuck in that Disney fantasy land that Prince Charming is real, and the evil queen dies in the end. Hmmmm, makes you think that good old Walt was on something that clouded his views a little, ever see Fantasia? My biggest wake-up call was moving to NYC. This was the move that humbled the hell out of me and more towards the end. I felt that I was losing myself and didn't know how I was going to land when I fell.

I can't really tell you what shook me back to reality. Maybe it was my inner self waiting for me to learn, or it could have been a number of things, but I know that when I leave this city I wont look back. I have learned that the people I love have hurt me and maybe I hurt them too, but I am sorry for not being perfect, and life is too short. I hope they know that I love them. Its hard to trust someone who has hurt you and harder to keep loving them when they continue to hurt without even acknowledging it. Its even harder to keep loving and not be in fear of being hurt or let down again.

I don't know and can't say what the future holds, but I know the past needs to stay in the past. Love and time heals all wounds and if its worth it, it will all work out in the end. But I love and will continue to fight for what I believe in and those I love, I wont give up. It doesn't matter if its a friend, family or a relationship, if you love that person or those people, fight for them, fight  for love, and remember that no one is perfect, but life if short.

Out with the old and in with the new! Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! 2012 is right around the corner. Some of you are just hours away from  the count down and others are a little than 12 hours away. So what do you hope for in the new year? There has been so much I have been thinking about, so much that I know that will help me have a happy and successful year ahead. So many times we make our resolutions always with the best of intentions of following them through, only to be distracted by the up hill battles that seem to come along our path. Why do we always let those things push us back down? I know for me it's been a big problem. Its time that I push through any troubles I may face and make my dreams a reality. It's never too late!

I have noticed also with people, as well as myself that part of the problem is we bring our worries and our past with us, why is that? The past should stay as just that, the past. We are suppose to learn lessons from our failures, or things that no longer exist and use what was learned to succeed. Life goes by so fast that before you know it, you are looking back with regrets. I have witnessed this in my life and with others. The things that I let pass me by, but instead of learning from it I somehow seem to hold on to it. If you did not succeed at something, take the lesson and move on. If a relationship failed, take the lesson and move on. If a friendship did not last, take the lesson and move on. Sometimes we look back at our past and long for the good times, but bringing the past into the future is nothing but a disaster waiting to happen. You can't go to an old job that made you miserable and expect it to be different. You can not revive some old friendships and expect them to fit and you definitely can not bring an old relationship into your future. I have seen people fail because of it, and it makes me wonder do they ever learn from their past mistakes really?

I am not the same person I was 5 years ago, 10 years ago or even 20 years ago. I have been thinking about this a lot and noticed I have found myself saying I am still the same, but I am not at all, I am better. I am better for not staying where I lived 20 years ago, although the road has been long and littered with disappointment in many places, it has also had some great things. My Children being the best of it all, I love them and without them I am not sure where I would be. Having my kids at an early age, I am so thankful because if I hadn't I most likely would not have had children or not had children like they are.

I am thankful that I have gotten in contact with some old friends, but there are some that just don't need to be in my life.Some sadly enough I have had to cut contact with, not because I think I am too good, but they decided to hold onto the past, drama and things that I have said I would not bring into my future. Some people would look down on me for this, however this is my life and I am going nowhere but forward so I am no longer letting nothing or no one hold me back. Call me a snob if you will, but just because others want to thrive in drama, self pity and not make their life the best they can is not my problem to deal with, but I wish them the best. Lesson learned and go forward.

2012 is going to be about making my dreams come true. One of them is to have my own business, but until I have achieved that goal, I will work and concentrate on my goals ahead. I will have my own photography business and also hopefully be helping our indie film company under way. I love Scifi and Horror movies. I think it keeps your brain moving and your heart pumping. Romantic movies are silly, often make you sad and don't do anything for you, so stick with what is better right?We have some amazing stories to tell and with help of friends and family they will become a reality so watch for it in the future. Unrealistic? I don't think so, if Kevin Smith and Robert Rodriguez can do it, why not us?

I will try to leave my hurt and disappointment behind for this coming year. I will work hard and if I get knocked down I will get back up. I will concentrate more on the positive and leave the negative behind. My choices need to be for what I need to do to succeed and not what others think I need to do to succeed. I don't need to have tons of people behind me to support. I have a few friends that I hold close to my heart, everyone else I wish the best of luck. I do not see my new outlook as something bad, I see it as a way to find my success. The things that stress me out now will be out behind me, and with moving early in the new year, I will be healthier, I will lose the weight I need to lose and I will find my success. If people do not support me or can be happy for me then that is not my problem. Those things will all be a part of my past. I will learn and move on.



Love to all,

Janet

Merry Christmas!

Its Christmas eve and I know the people who know me best, know that Christmas time is my favorite time of year. For me the holidays has nothing to do with gifts, it's the excitement of the holidays, the smells from the baking and the decorations.Every year it all brings back the memories of when I was younger.

I always remember we had a huge tree, maybe it looked big because I was so small but I was always amazed by the size of the tree. Decorating the tree then turning on the lights was absolutely breath taking. There are so many Christmas holidays that I cherish, but there is one that always will stand out in my mind.

I believe I was almost 4 years old and my grandparents and 2 of my uncles spent Christmas at our house. My sister was just a few months old. The tree was decorated, my most loved family was with me and I couldn't ask for a better day. Making cookies and decorating ( and sneaking a few when backs were turned ) watching my favorite Christmas cartoons and the excitement that Santa would soon come by my house....But wait! We do not have a chimney, how in the world is Santa going to get in the house? It cracks me up to think of this, because what 4 year old thinks of these things? Obviously I did. I don't remember the exact details but I do remember I was completely stressed about it. Santa would not get his cookies, or see my note, how could this be happening?

I know my mother and step dad and grandparents were trying to assure me that Santa knew where to come and with all this magic would find a way to our tree. I was sleeping on the couch that night, as all little ones thoughts, they would sneak a little peek of Santa placing the gifts. I wanted more than anything to give Santa a big hug and say thank him for all the wonderful toys he always brought. Still not able to calm my grandmother told me I better go to sleep because Santa wont come if little kids do not listen and go to sleep.

Laying on the couch and really trying to go to sleep, the thoughts kept swirling through my head and although my eyes were closed I just could not go to sleep. All of the sudden I hear the sound of sleigh bells and I sat up and looked at everyone. I think my eyes almost popped out of my head and I said " Its Santa!". I wanted to jump off the couch and run to the door but I stayed right where I was. My grandfather came over and tucked me in and told me to go to sleep and when I wake up it will be Christmas. The excitement from hearing those sleigh bells knocked me right out and wouldn't you know, when I woke up, the cookies were eaten, the presents were under the tree and spread across the living room and I was one happy kid!

I later learned years after that it was my step grandfather outside on the porch with the sleigh bells. I smile when I think about that night knowing that he really did love me enough to help in that way. He passed away years ago, but is always in my heart. I don't remember not one present I got that Christmas, because that was not important. Years later, when I had my kids, it was always fun to do the same things that we had done when I was little. A trip to the tree farm, bring out the decorations, baking cookies, listening to Christmas music and snuggled up on the couch  with my babies in their pajamas watching our favorite holiday classics.

My kids are all almost grown now, but I hope that I was able to make their Christmas memories as special as the ones that I had when I was little. So now with Christmas day just hours away, just remember that the gifts will not last forever, its the memories we make. Decorations, the smells, the music, the classics and being with the ones you love.


Although I can not be with all of my family and friends this Christmas, I know that they are in my heart and I love them very much. Merry Christmas to everyone, I love you all!

Great advice!

Years ago I remember hearing this on the radio and it has stuck with me ever since. This was an Essay written by Mary Schmich and published by the Chicago Tribune June 1st 1997. Baz Luhrmann put the words with music in 1998 and it was played all the time. All I can say is I agree 100%

Everybody's Free (to wear sunscreen)

Mary Schmich Chicago Tribune

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of '97... wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be IT. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now. Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are NOT as fat as you imagine. Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday. Do one thing every day that scares you. Sing. Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, don't put up with people who are reckless with yours. Floss. Don't waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself. Remember compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements. Stretch. Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't. Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone. Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't, maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't, maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself, either. Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own. Dance. Even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room. Read the directions, even if you don't follow them. Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly. Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings; they are your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young. Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel. Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you'll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders. Respect your elders. Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out. Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85. Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth. But trust me on the sunscreen. I couldn't have said it better myself!

What's next? A look back and my views.

For far too long I have really put myself on the back burner for a lot of things. The one thing I will never regret doing it for is my children. I put off so many things but I wanted to make sure that I was there for them and that they had what they needed. Now my children are grown, so now I need to do something for myself!

Its a little scary because I am so use to taking care of them or everyone else and sometimes taking care of  others felt as if it was in vain. I have never been one to ask to be recognized for anything I do but its a common courtesy for someone to say "Thank You", which never really happens too much since I left West Virginia and moved North East. I think that after years of constantly doing for others, supporting others and whatever else, I started to become bitter about the way things went. I even started to question myself and wonder if it was just me and I have been assured by many that have known me for so many years, that there is nothing wrong with me and I should be a bit selfish. Selfish? hmmmm yeah, I can't do that really, Why? It's because I was not raised that way.

I can't say it was everyone that took advantage of my kindness, but there are a few people and they know who they are. Am I going to hold onto that grudge? Nope...I am working on a whole new me and I am going to let it go. It's a process because there have been people who I really trusted, or employers that I gave 110% to that just don't care or didn't care. In 2012 I am going to do what's best for me and screw the people who never believed in me. I think it took me almost 38 years to get to this point. Some people say I could have done this and that but with small children there are just sometimes you really can't. Family helped when they could and I couldn't trust daycare. I am thankful that I had my sister to help me out through those bad years, so very thankful, but she was trying to do the same as me, to live, so I waited.

I am glad I waited, because it has all been ONE HELL of a lesson and a long road to discovering me. I know that sometimes it's ok to walk away from situations and places that are not healthy. My marriage was my first part of discovery. I was a great wife and I did what I was suppose to. It was not my fault that my ex- husband cheated and was abusive. I felt guilty at first for walking away at first, but it was not my fault that he could not be faithful and that I was not enough for him, it was not my fault that he couldn't be truthful and it was not my fault for the abuse.You can't blame yourself for a relationship that just will not work and your the only one that see's it or can even be honest about it.

I have made mistakes along this road of discovery, but if you don't make mistakes, you can not learn or grow. So in that I have to forgive myself for either doing or not doing. I know I have to move past fear, and I know that I can not please everyone. I can do the best job that I can do and work hard towards what I believe in and if someone doesn't believe in me, well screw them! Why do I care what they think or feel. I am who I am and I am a pretty damn good person. My mom may not be perfect and we have our differences, but I know I am a lot like her in the way of not wanting to give up, working hard to show people what you are made of and what I can do. In that mom, I thank you. I know it wasn't easy raising us alone, but none of us are in jail or dead so you did well.

NYC has been another long part of my journey and I gave it my all. I also learned that behind all the bright lights and glamor, there is a ton of disappointment and a lot of people who will go out of their way to make you feel like you are worthless. I almost lost myself here but I found I was following the wrong path. I believe  most of my frustration stemmed from being told or made to feel that like your just not good enough. Not every experience was bad, but within the bad, I looked back and found the lesson and I can move on.  I am leaving NYC in the next few months, and I am looking forward to my oldest daughters graduation. I am so proud of her but worry as she is so much like me and wants to see the good in everyone. I also know she is very strong and will come to me for advise and guidance.
 
I learned that although you believe in yourself and in things so strongly, not everyone will have the same views. I can not do anything to make someone see my vision or point of view. In those cases where your up against a wall that won't come down, it's to drop your hammer and walk away because there is no need to tear down yourself in the process. So what's next? What will I do for me? The best part of it is, I can do anything I put my mind to, I just have to travel a different path and have patience, love myself and believe I know I can do it. I am smart, I am beautiful in my own and way and I really don't give a damn about those people, the ones I know to look out for now. The people who refuse to see my potential, the people who say they are friends but are out to screw you over every way they can. It's not too late for me to be successful. What about those walls that I may come against in the future that wont come down? Do what any other true southern girl would go, kick it in to 4 wheel drive and go right over it.

That is me, that is who I am!

A little advice

We all do the best we can in life, and sometimes it takes a few lessons before we really see the big picture. I know like many people out there will say the same and agree, I am not perfect! I come from a long line of stubbornness, also known as the " Sonny Wilson". If you know my grandfather then you will understand!

My grandfather will be the first to tell you. He has had his share of stuff, but he never hurt anyone on purpose. Life is a game of forgive, forget and learn. If you can't love yourself and forgive yourself then you cant move on in life. I know this because I am going through it too. I believe it took me almost 37 years to learn the most important things in life, or to really understand them.

Learn from the past but don't carry it with you! Take the lesson but not the thing you learned from. Communicate! If you can not communicate with people, nothing you do will be successful. Knock down walls where you see them, but don't waste time on the ones that wont come down, sometimes it's ok to walk away from something that's not healthy. In the long run, when you learn this, you will be happier and healthier. This can fit into anything, just be cautious and think things through. If you have to write a list with the pro's and con's about whatever it is. If there are more bad than good, well use your noodle and do the obvious captain!

Love yourself first! How important is this and it has taken me so very long to learn this one, but, I am still learning from it. You know your value and if you don't look in the mirror, love starts right there. You can't be angry and hostile your entire life. Just because someone did you wrong or people have done you wrong doesn't mean that everyone in life will do the same. Not everyone has the same outlook and will treat you badly. When you learn to love yourself this will become clearer. Just use good judgement.

When your young you think you have all the answers and then after you hit 30 they start appearing to you and you will stop and say " WOW, I really didn't know anything before did I? "

If you hate your career, and your not happy with it, look for something else, go back to school. Look for something that you can say, I love what I do. For some this could be opening your own business or just simply looking for a company that you fit with. Don't stay where you are not appreciated.

 I have a few really close friends that have been dealing with relationship issues. Some can be worked out, some cant and its better to move on. I can tell you this with what I have dealt with especially with my ex husband, You can only try so hard, and like I mentioned before, if you are the only one that is working to breaking down that wall, its not worth it to keep at it. Its ok to walk away. Your pride might get bruised but those heal! Sometimes there are people that just don't give a damn that they are hurt you and they don't see that maybe they should apologize. They always want to complain but never listen, take but never give. ( This doesn't mean material things, it also has to do with love ). You are better off without this and that's when you need to learn to love yourself. Once you do that, then do NOT go look for love. Be patient and have faith, it will come find you!

Family. We all need them and sometimes family isn't the easiest to deal with. But life is just too short and we need to cherish those we have. Sometimes people do things that are just evil and cruel and they know what they are doing, those are the ones that its ok to not deal with anymore, because no matter how many times you try to express how hurt you are they still don't see it and they don't care. Sometimes we aren't perfect and we all do things, but sometimes we just need to let go. This one for me I have to work on daily.Some people do change, you just have to open your eyes but let them know that because you have been hurt its hard to let them back in completely but you will try. We all have to have patience and understanding....but in the end we have to find it in ourselves to let the hurt go.

And to my children, Don't be in a Rush to grow up! Thank you for not making the same mistakes that I made, and Thank you for not making me a grandma yet lol. I know  when you get to that age you just want to go out and conquer the world but sometimes we have to slow down a little. The world isn't the same one now that I grew up in. Be mindful, and look before you leap. Don't be so in a rush to fall in love, heart breaks will come, but momma will be right there to hug you and wipe your tears. Don't ever be afraid to come to me about ANYTHING, even if you think I might get angry. I might be upset or disappointed but I will not stay that way. I have loved you  your entire existence and I will never stop! Live life, learn and don't ever stop! Your going to make mistakes but learn from them and don't make them again! And never ever forget I love you!

These are my thoughts and if you don't agree with it or think its stupid, well stop reading my blog and go look in the mirror. You are NOT the picture of perfection, like my friends from the UK would say, Sod off!

Wanting better for our children

Every parent says basically the same thing once their children are born, " I want the best, or better for my children". Not that we all had such terrible lives that we vow that they will not go through what we experienced, perhaps it was just something that happened growing up that prompts you to say it wont happen to your kid. I know sitting here and looking back on my life, I know I said the very same thing.

I was born in West Virginia and lived in the mountains. Much of what I know I learned from watching my family. We had gardens, we lived in the country. The men and sometimes the women hunted. We canned our crops, we washed our clothes in a ringer washer and hung them out to dry. Some people my read this and say, " My god, who would want to live that way?". I had no problem with the way I was raised in WV. We were always fed, always had clothes even if Grandma or Mom made them. Would I change a thing? NEVER! So what would I change about how I grew up and why would I want it different for my kids? Well, kids got a bit mean when I got a little older. Thank goodness I had great friends who were beyond the petty crap.

I have never made my children clothing, but I know if I had when they were in middle and high school they would have worn them with pride, just as I had. I wore them with pride regardless of what nasty comments were made about me. I lived in a nicer home when I was in middle school than most of my friends or even a lot of kids I knew lived in. Did that matter to me? Of course not, but for some reason, there were a few kids that made fun of me. Why? Who knows, and it hurt like hell. I have never been one for confrontation unless  you push me, then once you push me past that point watch out! I know I was not a bad person, and I was never in any trouble, but kids will be kids I guess. Only thing is now they have guns and knives. Kids of today are cowards. I didn't raise my kids to be like that. I taught them the same as I was, someone could be worse off, be thankful for what you have, and don't make fun of those less fortunate.

The same thing happened in high school, but it was pretty much the same few people. The school was bigger so I saw them less. But I found myself vowing my children would not go through the same thing. It wasn't just the clothes, it was that I didn't wear this or that, I didn't have straight teeth, my boobs weren't as big as other girls, or I wasn't as pretty. I tried to not let that bother me, but when your 15 and your first boyfriend dumps you for another girl first week of school because he thinks she is prettier? OUCH! But I moved on and I learned another lesson to teach my kids, NEVER DATE SOMEONE FOR LOOKS! That's right! They might be visually appealing on the outside, but inside they are a nasty mess!

My son I don't think needed to worry about that one, but my girls, because they are girls and girls hearts can get trampled, I tried to always tell them that. Don't listen to the lies that boys will tell you. You come  first, and then your school work. School is not for social gatherings, go there to learn and along the way make friends. Don't be in a hurry to grow up, life will be there, don't be in a rush to get to it. Don't listen to stupid things people say to be hurtful. Don't be a follower and be proud of who you are!

My kids are all almost grown, Yes I had them very early and that's one thing I am thankful they did not repeat. I believe my children have taken notice to how hard it is to be a parent and are in no rush to get there, THANK GOODNESS!  I am older now and those things don't matter anymore to me that happened. We all grew up and became better people. Some didn't but hey, that's on them and no one is perfect. I am no where near perfect, but I had that common sense to teach my kids what to look for. I am proud of the individuals who they have become. I can be at ease knowing that my words did sink in some and they valued what I had to say.

I raised my children without their father and I think I did a good enough job. In times that we have now, and how the economy is, I taught them to be smart about things, and now that my oldest daughter is looking for work and starting her senior year in high school, she understands a little better and appreciates things. I know that in years from now, when she has her own family, she can pass it on and I can smile.

I say this in taking note on how some kids today act, and worry that our future generation was not or is not being raised with those lessons or values. Lets not forget that these are the same people we need to depend on when we are older. Lets teach them that they need to work for what they get, rewards are not and should not be handed to you unless they are earned. Teach them to give back, either by service or paying it forward. Do something that might help someone, you never know what that kindness can do for that one person.

Not invited? NYC officials turn their backs on first responders.

The events of September 11th 2001 are something that will never be forgotten by anyone. That morning at 8:46 Hijacked American Airlines flight 11 bound for Los Angeles, hit the north tower of the World Trade center, at 8:46 am our lives were all changed. No matter where we were, what we were doing, we all felt the impact and the sadness of that day. On the morning of September 11th 2001, the first responders of NYC did what they have done their entire careers, they responded to a call!

9:03 am United Airlines flight 175 bound for Los Angeles hit the south tower of the World Trade center, now we know its an attack and New York City and our country is in a panic, yet the first responders, without a doubt had already sprung into action here in the city, racing into buildings, carrying out the wounded, assisting those who were trying to escape and attempting to rescue anyone else they possibly could. Their lives being at risk not the main priority, still pushing forward to do what they had vowed, to protect and to serve. They didn't show up by invite, they were just there.

Two hijacked flights hit NYC that day, American Airlines flight number 77 hit the Pentagon at 9:38 and a final hijacked United Airlines flight 93 , which was over taken by the brave passengers who gave their lives to not allow another hit happen that morning crashed into a field at 10:10 ending the terror from the skies that morning.

We have never forgotten the events, and we have not forgotten those that risked their lives, that gave their lives doing what they were trained to do. We honor these brave ones every year and mourn the lives that  were taken that morning, however this year NYC officials decided that those first responders who survived, who were wounded that day are not invited to the 10th Anniversary of the attacks. I was not here on that morning as I did not yet live here until 2004, but I was still affect by those events as were so many other Americans. As a loved one of a NYC Detective  who served in the recovery efforts of those who died, I am disgusted and angered by the moronic decision of the NYC officials for the obvious slap in the face to the first responders. What in the HELL are you thinking?

Those men and women didn't come by invite, to risk their lives, to lose their lives. They didn't sit around and wait for someone to tell them to go, they just did it. Why? Because that is why they became who they are, who they were! I am angered beyond words by something that is so heartless. New York Daily News reported that a city official stated that there is no room, that security issues are involved and that the first responders will be given a ceremony at a later date. WHAT? Again, these men and women who gave their lives, who risked being wounded or killed did not give a second thought! Security issues? I'm sorry, I would not say that thousands of men and women who are paid officers to carry fire arms daily would be an issue, I say that would be an asset.

So there you have it, a city who is turning their backs on the bravest of 9/11. NYC has again delivered a blow to the gut of these people who live with the images from that day. These men and women are affected beyond what any of us could ever begin to understand. They lost hundreds of their co-workers, they lost loved ones and they still carried on. These people continue to do their jobs, to keep us safe, to save our lives, and they don't even get hazard pay. Yet a garbage man who risks nothing but maybe a strained muscle or coming face to face with a dog sized rat, does.

I can say that when we leave NYC, we will not be sorry. This city has done nothing but continue to see what and how they can take away from those who were there, who pushed on selfless, to protect the city they use to love.

On September 11th 2011, the 10th Anniversary of the Terror attacks, when you are remembering those who have died also remember those who continue to serve. NYC  officials have seemed to forgotten.

You are in control of you..

This can not be more true! You are the pilot of your destiny. I think I really needed to see that after the experiences I have been having at work. You cant wait for someone or something to make you happy, to make things happen. I remember the days that I would not settle for NO! I would take that and find another way to accomplish what I needed to do.

So where did that person go? I would say that I started to lose who I was right after my divorce. Was I sad? OH HELL NO! When my divorce was final I walked out of the court house with the biggest smile and the song that was playing from a car passing by was " I'm Free" by Jon Secada. I think that was just a coincidence but.....it was fitting for the moment. After that I left and it just seemed that I got wrapped up in what everyone else said I should do or what I should be.  But I am me, I was never this stressed or bothered about things before.My feelings about things were, Yeah OK, and? So that's what I need to do now.

I know I can do whatever I want and what I put my mind to, so whats next? Well I am getting back into writing and I want to do what I always dreamed of, write a screenplay! I love science fiction! In the 5th grade, my favorite show was "V" , when I was little, I loved the movie "Close encounters of the third kind" and now I can act on those dreams.

I don't care if someone thinks its a stupid idea, sit back and say, Yeah OK whatever. I know what I can do, and I have had experience writing. I have won awards and contests. I have wrote plays for church. If Robert Rodriguez can do it, why cant I?

This is what makes me happy! I am a part of a team, someone who believes in my ideas and even though sometimes an idea may be off, it always leads to something we both can agree on! This is going to happen! This movie will be made. When it comes together and it will,I will feel complete! Thank you for believing in me and inspiring me. Without your dream, my dreams would still be asleep.

My little Girl

My daughters will always be mommas little girls, no matter how old they are. My daughter Tiffany was my first daughter but my second child. She had a rough start getting into the world, with the cord wrapped around her neck 3 times, labor was not easy at all and I was scared to death I would lose her. She bounced back very quick, strong and determined just like she is today.

Tiffany turned 18 on March 9th of this year. I cant believe how fast the time has flown by since I held her in my arms, her beautiful grey eyes beaming back at me with her chubby little cheeks. Now she is a Senior in high school and starts school in 2 weeks. She is going south to start her last year with my sister. I think she is the one child out of the 3 that looks the most like me. She is very talented and loves to draw. She had recently been working with one of her teachers doing illustrations for a story her teacher made up and just last week finished working on the 2nd book. I couldn't be more proud of her. I know if she kept it up she could really make something of it.

She has such a pleasing personality and is very sensitive with some things, but at the same time extremely strong. Saturday she will be leaving and it makes me kind of sad, but I wont be away from her for long and in June she will be graduating. She isn't the tiny little chubby cheeked blonde baby anymore, she is a beautiful young woman, nervous about going out into the world as an adult, but excited to discover things for herself. I have tried the best I can to teach her about the world and she knows that she can come to me with whatever at any time and I will always be there. I feel like I am letting go of the tiny little hand that use to hold onto mine and watching a young woman grow even faster before my eyes. I love all of my children, but  Tiffany is on my mind the most tonight! I love you Tiffany Marie!



Love always,

Momma

My Grandfather is my Superman.

My grandfather in my eyes is Superman. He isn't perfect, but he has always there and taught me many lessons through  the years. Right now he is very ill and very weak which breaks my heart in a million pieces. He is my Superman, my Hero. I talked to my mother today and she updated me on how he is and things are very serious right now. He needs a pacemaker and some work on his kidneys and the arteries in his neck. I am not use to my grandfather, Charles E. Wilson Sr, being so weak and sick.


I remember my grandfather when I was little, how he always found a lesson in every thing to teach me, no matter what it was, and everywhere he went I followed. He has always been very stern, and at the same time was very loving. If he spanked me, you could see in his eyes it was breaking his heart. He would explain why he was doing it and that he loved me very much, but what I did was wrong.

Me, my grandparents and uncles 1974

When my sister was born it was a very tough time for my grandparents, my uncle Terry had just been killed in a car accident just a few months before. They had moved into a new home and were still numb from shock. My grandfather did what he could to care for us all, with his heart still breaking he carried on and remained strong. 


One day, he went out to chop wood for the fireplace. I think it was either late November or early December because there was a little snow on the ground. He headed out with his ax to go down the road little to find a tree that was good to cut up for firewood. As he was walking out the door, I screamed " papa wait for me!", running to get my socks and boots on. I grabbed my little wagon and ran down the drive way to catch up. At the end of the drive way we walked up the hill a little and found a downed tree that was good to chop. While he split the wood, he told me to stand back so I wouldn't get hit by the flying chips, so I sat in my wagon and watched him swing away. I happened to look down and there at my feet was a tiny little turtle, frozen. I screamed because I didn't want it to be dead, so I grabbed the turtle, tucked it in my pocket and told him I would be right back.


I ran into the kitchen where my grandmother was cooking and she asked what I was doing, I told her I needed warm water. There was a little sink by the back door where she put warm water in for me and walked back to tend to breakfast. I placed the little turtle in the water and swished it around, trying to make it move. My grandma finally came over to see what I was doing when she heard me cry. She said, " Janet Lee, what in the world are you doing, throw that thing outside". I told my grandma that it was frozen and I was trying to make it warm. She told me there was nothing I could do, just take it out or maybe bury it and wrapped it in a little cloth for me. My grandma hated for insects, lizards or anything else in that nature to be inside of the house, but she understood.


I walked back to where my grandpa was crying, I couldn't understand why I couldn't get the turtle to breathe. My grandpa asked what happened and I told him, unwrapping the lifeless turtle and holding it in my little hands. I asked him if we could bury him so the animals would not eat him. He dug a small hole and we placed him in the cloth and covered him . Later when we were back at the house, I was still very weepy. I crawled into his lap and put my arms around his neck. He explained that in life, all things would eventually die, even if they were young. I remember tears being in his eyes while he talked, but at the time I didn't understand that he also meant my uncle. I sat in his lap and he held me there, telling me that the turtle knew that I loved it and not to worry. I fell asleep in my grandfathers arms, feeling safe as always and very loved.

My grandfather has always been a very hard working man, always taking care of his family. He is like a father to me, in every thing he did and the lessons that he taught. Now my grandfather is getting older and he isn't as strong. We never had a ton of money and but what we had he always hard for. I thank God for that man because he is part of he reason I am who I am today. He taught us that life is what you make it, but work hard and be happy with what you are given because life is too short. 


I don't plan on seeing anything happen to him anytime soon. He is stubborn and wont give up that easy and that is one of the things I really admire about him.


Grandpa, you mean the world to me, you have me more in life lessons than all the money in the world, and for that I feel like the richest person alive. I love you more than I can ever put into words.

My grandparents before they were married